Two persons enter an empty room, after that three persons leave the room. What does a mathematician think? One person has to enter the room, so that the room is empty again.

A physicist, a computer scientist and mathematician are each locked into a room. They get their food in a can and after a week the cells are opened. In the room of the physicist all the walls are full of formulas, the can is only a little bit deformed, the can is open and he is alive. In the room of the computer scientist all the walls are full of (strange) formulas, too. The can is absolutely destroyed, but he is alive. Last but not least the room of the mathematician is opened. The walls are full of form ulas, too, but the can is untouched and the mathematician is dead. The top line on one of the wall says: "We assume the can is open."

TOP FIVE EXCUSES FOR NOT DOING THE MATH HOMEWORK

- I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
- I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
- I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
- I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
- I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.

Did you hear the one about the statistician?

Probably....

A mathematician and a physicist agree to a psychological experiment. The mathematician is put in a chair in a large empty room and a beautiful naked woman is placed on a bed at the other end of the room. The psychologist explains, "You are to remain in your chair. Every five minutes, I will move your chair to a position halfway between its current location and the woman on the bed." The mathematician looks at the psychologist in disgust. "What? I am not going to go through this. You know I will never reach the bed!" And he gets up and storms out. The psychologist makes a note on his clipboard and ushers the physicist in. He explains the situation, and the physicist's eyes light up and he starts drooling. The psychologist is a bit confused. "Don't you realize that you will never reach her?" The physicist smiles and replied, "Of course! But I will get close enough for all practical purposes!"

Engineer, physicist and mathematican are asked to find the value of 2+2.

Engineer (after 3 minutes, with a slide rule): "The answer is precisely
3.9974."

Physicist (after 6 hours of experiments): "The value is approximately 4.002,
with an error of plus-or-minus 0.005."

Mathematician (after a week of calculation): "Well, I haven't found an answer
yet but I CAN prove that an answer exists."

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves
lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, "I've got an
idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry
our voices far."

So he leans over the basket and yells out, "Helllloooooo!
Where are we?" (They hear the echo several times).

15 minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: "Helllloooooo!
You're in a hot-air balloon!!"

One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."
Puzzled, one of the other men asks, "Why do you say that?"
The reply: "For three reasons. (1) he took a long time to
answer, (2) he was absolutely correct, and (3) his answer was
absolutely useless."

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer
scientist are on a photo-safari in africa. They drive out on the
savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with
their binoculars.

The biologist: "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there,
in the middle: A white zebra! It's fantastic!
There are white zebras! We'll be famous!"

The statistician: "It's not significant. We only know there's one
white zebra."

The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra,
which is white on one side."

The computer scientist: "Oh, no! A special case!"

A mathematician, a physicist, and a biologist were travelling through
Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

"Aha," says the biologist, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."

"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are
black."

"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least
one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is
black!"

Ingo Melzer, November 06, 1997